How to Conquer the World II

Image from NASA archives 

World conquest. It has been the dream of warriors and kings for ages on end. Since the dawn of man, tribal chieftains have been engaged in brutal contests of cunning, manpower, leadership ability, land- grabbing and resource accumulation between each other. In modern times some of the rules have changed, but the basic principle remains the same. It is an age-old battle for supremacy, though not through brute strength necessarily (though that still can be employed) but usually through covet means, economic coercion and political manipulations. We all have kings, queens, warriors and conquerors somewhere in our DNA. So have you ever dreamed of taking over the world? Well I have. Seriously, I have. I realize that many people would consider such an idea to be absurd, and generally not something that is even possible to do. But you see, I have always been attracted to accomplishing "impossible" dreams. After all, something is only impossible until it becomes possible. And besides, what else should I spend my life thinking about? Should I just be content in the living of a mundane 9 to 5 wage-slave hamster-wheel type of existence? Should I just spend all of my time watching NBC sitcoms? Or Sunday night football? I personally find that to be quite a boring prospect (and I don't even have a tv so I don't follow those programs anyway). So I figure why not seriously consider taking over the world, or at least a small country? It seems like it would be fun.

Obviously, one is presented with a number of challenges in pursuing the path of world conquest. First and foremost is the question of where to start. It's not as if there are any guides and how-to books on world conquest out there, and even extensive searches on the internet yields little to no information on this matter (every article that you do find is bound to be a parody of some kind). So this is the first obstacle that must be tackled. My personal approach would be to start small. I mean, you shouldn't even think about taking over a town, much less a province, much less a country, unless you work out some details that are much closer to home. You must begin by asking the relevant questions of yourself, such as "do I have what it takes to be a modern day conqueror?" and "how should I go about this?" So I shall go further into detail on these two questions.

Firstly, you really have to begin with the right raw materials before you embark on a mission of this nature. In this case, the raw material is you. Do you have what it takes? Do you have the right stuff? This is the pressing question. You need to be seriously dedicated to this goal, and you need to be absolutely determined to follow through on any initial plan of action. It is just as in any realm of achievement, in order to reach success you need to have that fire inside that drives you to take action in pursuit of a goal. However great the demand on you and however consistent and focused you must be in order to realize your dream, that is what you must do.

Secondly, where to start? My answer would be money. That is what essentially rules the world today, so what you need is money. How you get that money is for you to figure out, but once you do only then can you begin with the takeover. To attempt a takeover of any population with no money just doesn't seem like it would work in the modern age (unless you have the manpower, but then how do you get the manpower in the first place? With money). Maybe it is possible to tie those two in together, if somehow you can simultaneously discover a source of wealth while seizing power at the same time (like forming an armed band to take over a mine in Africa or something along those lines). Regardless, you are going to need money, and lots of it to start. Then you do something in a third world or developing country. Join up with some rebels. Buy an election. Start a revolution after learning the language fluently and stirring up a populist local grassroots movement among the impoverished, exploited, and angry natives who are fed up with the current system.

There is a high likelihood of violence. This is why I am not fully committed to taking over a country at present. I have not yet come up with a viable plan which does not in some way involve unsavory methods and means. I have lots of ideas and hypothetical scenarios planned out, but all of them contain the strong possibility of bloodshed. So I am kind of at a loss on how to resolve that issue right now. That, and the fact that I am not a multi-millionaire prevents me from moving forward with any serious plans on this matter. So I suppose that what I need to do now would be to take things step-by-step and make myself some millions first before I actually start off onto the world conquest route.